°°°°° Chapter 17 °°°°°
A good quarter of a hour after they had reached the Axiom’s recreational area, Ryan was still bent over the regenerative food buffet. He circled around it, checked the wiring, moved his lips soundlessly and sometimes shook his head like a wild horse, but because his long red hair had spilled over his face, McCrea and Cale couldn’t see with what expression he did so. They stood silently with their backs against the wall, waiting for his verdict.
At length he looked up. “It’ll take a while to reconnect” he said. “But it’ll do.”
“Alright, then we’re transporting it right away in one of the pods” nodded McCrea. “What about the reset? Can you see to it, Ryan?”
The roboticist shrugged. “I can’t do it
here. It’s a simple operation, but I need to activate the machine before I caliber…”
“Ryan, I don’t care about the tech aspects! Just tell me plainly, can that thing be reprogrammed to produce normal food or
not?”
“Yeah, no problems about that.”
Good. At least he’d not have had to deal with another horde of infuriated citizens like Karen and Thomas. “How long will it take to get it up and running?”
“Difficult to say. A hour, maybe two.” Ryan made a vague gesture with his hand. “Cale, I’ll need your help detaching the synthesizer from the main bulk.”
Cale was instantly at his side, eyeing the regenerative food buffet. “On it. Where do we begin from?”
They worked quietly for some minutes. The Captain had not offered to help them, which Cale found surprising, nor had he asked any other question, which was even more surprising. He watched them like a man who doesn’t see what’s in front of him, lost in his thoughts.
“Alright, when you’re finished take the synthesizer to the escape pods bay” he said unexpectedly. “I’ll catch up with you and the EVE probes there.”
Cale looked up. Even Ryan, who was generally known for keeping his thoughts to himself, raised a slender eyebrow.
“You’re not coming with us, sir?”
“Not right now. I have certain – things to see to here on the Axiom” replied McCrea. He seemed strangely reluctant, yet at one time compelled to follow the impulse that had overcome him. For a moment, he made Cale think of a man standing on the edge of a precipice looking down.
“Alright then” said Ryan with a quick nod, before Cale had the chance to interject. “See you later.”
The Captain returned the nod, hesitated a moment longer and walked off. From where they stood they could watch him let the recreational area behind himself and cross the Lido Deck.
“What’s the matter with him?” asked Cale, once McCrea was no longer within hearing range.
“Nerves” Ryan shrugged, turning to the cable that he was carefully disconnecting. “Can’t blame him. This place would give anyone the creeps.”
Cale looked at him sharply. “Don’t tell me you believe in those stupid prejudices of my aunt and that Thomas fellow? Look, it wasn’t the Axiom that started all our problems! Those begun well before its time, and it wasn’t the ship that kept us trapped but …”
“… but our own mentality, yeah” nodded Ryan, unperturbed.
“And you think I’m making excuses, don’t you?” asked Cale challengingly. It was as though all the bottled up raged had now escalated beyond his control; he could feel it rising like bile, could feel his blood boiling. “That I’m – how did she put it? – too young to remember what it di--”
“Not quite. I think you’re making a big fuss over nothing.”
That left Cale interdicted for a minute or two. Then he hissed: “So to you it’s nothing the way they’re making the Axiom a scapegoat?”
“Nah, simpler still” assured the roboticist. He was so completely uninterested, that for a moment Cale wondered whether he might not be doing it on purpose just to get on his nerves. He did not even look up, too busy unscrewing a bolt. “See, I agree with you about the Axiom, in general. But it wasn’t my point when I said that it gives the creeps.”
“And then what did you mean?” Cale raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You’re afraid of the dark or something?”
“It’s not the dark. Think…” there was a pause, then a muttered curse, as the bolt slipped off Ryan’s deft hands and rolled underneath a piece of machinery. “Think of the Axiom as one great battlefield. The Captain’s been in it all along, been in it ‘til his neck too – and so have EVE and WALL-E. I dare say she’s taking it even worse than the others. Well, anyway – now that they’ve returned to that same battlefield after so long, how d’you expect that they feel?”
It was the longest speech that Cale had ever heard Ryan make. But though his anger had not ebbed yet, he thought he could glimpse where the man was going. “So do you think…”
“It’s guilt, alright” replied Ryan. “Guilt of the survivor, they call it.”
“Why of the
survivor?” Cale frowned. “I thought there hadn’t been causalities in the battle of the Axiom. I mean, aside from WALL-E” he hurried quickly.
The glance that Ryan threw him was almost pitiful. Almost. He wanted to say that Cale’s direct experience with the battle of the Axiom wasn’t sufficient to grasp what it meant to be in the same places where you had once fought, fought for your life, and that even
he couldn’t see the memories of those dramatic moments flash before his eyes the same way EVE, WALL-E and McCrea did. But then he decided against it. Cale was too caught up with his own troubles, with the angst of coming to an age.
And how to blame him? We’ve had it much easier when we were their age, thought Ryan with a shrug.
He’ll understand on his own – in due time.How many pods are there left?, Probe Five would have wanted to ask.
She watched as Probe Seven escorted her batch at the entrance, surveyed its parking and then flew over it in triumph. Watched, she felt it should have been, with happiness for her sister, not resentment. But all the same she couldn’t help being just the tiniest bit jealous.
Her scowl did not go unnoticed. Probe Seven, identical to her but for the deep violet eyes, came to a halt and floated closer.
It’s not really that exciting, Five, said her gentle eyes. ::
Directive:: she added, shaking her head.
It’s just programming work, routine… nothing special.Probe Five sighed miserably.
I know, I know. It’s just that… you’re so lucky to have something to do that isn’t being on stupid patrol.She noticed that the Reject BRL-A was looking at her. Didn’t he have anything better to do than look at her all the time? Although she wasn’t very good at telling apart the emotions of a single red optic, there was something amused in his stare.
And what are you laughing at?What, don’t tell me that you’d rather get yourself damaged than stay in safety? She was the funniest thing.
Oh, shut it!, Probe Five wanted to groan.
I know that I’m clumsy! But there’s still things that I can do right!
Such as?
I don’t know! Exasperated, she flung her head about.
Something!Maybe you shouldn’t start with programming life-pods, the Reject teased with his optic.
Oh, go to android hell!, she scoffed. Earlier she had tried to program a pod, feeling more confident than she had in a long time.
I’m able to program one of those things, she had told herself.
What could go wrong? But instead of following the coordinates that she typed, the little sucker had started trashing across the bay, completely out of control, and as if that wasn’t enough, in her desperate attempt to stop it she had also activated the self-destruction module. It had taken the combined efforts of Probe One, Probe Ten and Probe Three to regain control of the lifepod, and after a quick consultation they had asked her to keep guard outside, so maybe the Reject was right. Probe Five, however, didn’t really want him to be right this time. She didn’t want to be reminded that she was a disaster, that she couldn’t fly straight, that she ran into things like a mercury droplet.
The two other BRL-As watched at some distance. They made her wish even more that she was invisible. To the Reject – her guardian angel – she had grown used, because he had a way of watching her that did not make her feel awkward, and because she sometimes had the fleeting impression that he understood her like nobody else.
But they had observed her with curiosity ever since she had floated out of the Axiom, and she knew perfectly well what they must be thinking.
Why she’s not inside with the others?::
Directive?:: repeated Probe Seven helpfully.
Can’t you look around for plants, while you wait? Yes, because I’m likely to find one! Let’s be realistic--She was still sulking when another batch of pods flew outside, this time escorted by EVE. She greeted Probe Five and Seven with a nod; both her arms were wrapped tightly around WALL-E.
::
Yo-hoo!:: waved the waste-allocator.
The Repair Ward BRL-A opened and closed his umbrella cheerfully, as if he had not seen WALL-E in ages. Half a second later they were all completely doused and laughing.
Probe Five smacked his pole playfully.
Look what you do, silly Reject!You don’t get it. He’s our hero, mercury droplet! Our living legend! BRL-A’s optic was flickering faster and faster. And faster. It nearly made her dizzy to watch, so she turned to EVE instead.
He’s nuts!, she chuckled, the expression in her eyes almost affectionate.
EVE giggled.
Yeah, well, you’re telling me!WALL-E, too, bobbed his head up and down, with a little droning sound that sounded like he was laughing. Probe Five glanced at him fleetingly, but not fleetingly enough. For an instant his optics and her yellow LED eyes locked, before she hurried to drop her gaze in shame.
She was terrified at the thought of looking him in the eyes, terrified of what she might
feel. Because when she was around the waste-allocator, she never
knew what to feel. He threw her in such a state of confusion that she didn’t know what to do or what to say, either.
He’s Probe One’s directive, she repeated to herself, as she did every time her eyes accidentally met his own.
Her directive. But another voice in her mind wondered, as it did every time her eyes accidentally met his own.
What would have happened if he had run into Probe Two first? Or Probe Seven? Or Probe Ten? Or me? He could have fallen for one of us as badly as he fell for her? And we – could we have fallen for him? She did not like where this reasoning was leading her. She didn’t want to think that in another world, it might have been one of them holding WALL-E now. That he might have liked
them better.
Sometimes when she was sure that they were not looking her way, she glanced at him and Probe One with the corner of her eyes. And she told herself that it couldn’t be, that he could have never loved another so much, because it only made sense for him and Probe One to be together.
But the voice in her head still wondered.
It could have happened to any of us.For all these reasons Probe Five couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eyes. She was afraid she would glance at WALL-E and feel something. And even when she inadvertently looked at him, when her fins brushed against him by mistake, when he greeted her and she felt
nothing, still the niggling fear of
what might happen the next time kept eating at her.
It was impossible to be in the same room with him, to exchange a word or two with him as she did with the other robots. If she had found out that she liked him more than she ought to, it would have destroyed her – and Probe One too. That was where Probe Five drew the line. She couldn’t care less about
herself. But she would have never broken her sister’s heart.
The Reject BRL-A was looking at her. Again.
Look, our hero doesn’t bite, said his optic.
Don’t be rude, say ‘hi’!I can’t, she would have wanted to answer.
Not until I no longer run the risk of having some feelings for him. Not until I find… but what was she thinking?! Find
herself someone? As if she was ever likely to! Nobody in their right mind could take an interest in an EVE probe who was so terribly below-par.
It was then that a movement from above caught her attention.
At first she thought that it was a bird, or perhaps a bat, although it was far too large to be a bat. But then the creature glided smoothly down to a halt in front of them, and Probe Five realized that it was an unknown robot with long wings and strange tubular arms, neck and midsection.
EVE and her sisters gaped openly at the alien female. Her chassis was a pale blue with white markings, and where her chest should have been, she had a secondary black screen. Presently it was deactivated. She looked at them with black-rimmed LED eyes, hers a darker shade of blue. Probe Five tried to recall if she had ever come across her in the last twenty years, and decided that she hadn’t. Her sisters seemed equally dumbstruck, so she took it for granted that they had never seen her too. She wondered where the stranger might have come from and what she was doing near the Axiom in the middle of a storm. There was something deeply unsettling about her sudden appearance…
And then, with a flinch, she realized that it wasn’t about her but about the Reject BRL-A, who writhed angrily at Probe Five’s side. Strange; anger wasn’t a feeling that she’d have ever thought of associating with him.
Do you know each other?, she would have wanted to ask.
Today it’s the second time I see her. And frankly I’m beyond fed up with that one. What does she want?, he thought.
He wasn’t the only one acquainted with her, she noticed. WALL-E was waving his hand, and EVE looked at him curiously.
How do you know her?
I don’t. I ran into her some days ago.But the tall robot did not return his greeting, although her eyes flared imperceptibly – in recognition. She did not speak, she did not nod, and surely she did not blink. For a moment, EVE felt as though she was standing once more in front of a taller, blue-eyed female version of Auto. If she had had a mouth, it would have long turned dry.
::
Naaame?:: she finally asked.
::
BRIDGET:: The other’s reply was as non-committal as they came. Sharp like a gun blast. But then, out of the blue, she inquired: ::
Do you miss your directive?::
The question came as such a surprise that EVE almost doubted she had heard it right. She glanced quizzically at Probe Seven, and Probe Seven shrugged as if to say,
‘I’ll be damned if I know’. Probe Five did not say anything, wondering why BRIDGET’s eyes never fell on the Reject and why he disliked her so much. WALL-E blinked.
::
Directive:: answered EVE, pointing to the pods they had just parked.
BRIDGET shook her head impatiently. ::
Negative. I am referring to your original directive of Extraterrestral Vegetation Evaluator.:: There was a pause in which she stared down at EVE with fierce intensity. ::
You never yearn for that
, do you?:: she asked, like someone who already knows the answer to her question.
No, why should I? And I’m still carrying out my directive!, EVE wanted to protest.
I help the humans growing plants. She nodded toward the rain swept fields in the distance and repeated: ::
Directive!:: Then she held WALL-E tighter to her. ::
Waaalle::
I have the love of my life, I have my work. What else do I need?BRIDGET looked from her to the waste allocator, and WALL-E flinched as he realized she was watching him. There was something different from the first and last time he had seen her,
something that he couldn’t fathom. Maybe it was the way she carried herself, or a ferocity in her gaze that she hadn’t had there. All he knew was that something had changed.
::
How fortunate you EVE probes are:: she said at length. Probe Five thought that her words sounded almost bitter. ::
You got recycled, and tricked yourself to think that it is the same. The humans tell you scan this, and you comply. They let defective on the loose, and you take them in with your own.::
Opening and closing his canopy like a fury, BRL-A went for her.
I’ll give you defective, you little…But Probe Five rushed to grab his pole and hold him back.
No, don’t, please!You stay out of this, mercury droplet!, he raged, trying to get past her and at BRIDGET, who had turned to watch their struggle with an expression of distaste.
Don’t you see that she’s just trying to goad you?, she pleaded with her eyes.
And it's not even worth it!At least it’s gonna make me feel better!Probe Seven flew to help her sister. But before EVE could say what she was thinking – which was a big fat
“shut up” at BRIDGET’s address – the reconnaissance bot spoke again. Her eyes had drifted from the fighting couple to the Axiom, and for the first time she blinked. ::
They tell you to stray from your intended course, and you steer. The humans:: she laughed bitterly. ::
What do the humans know about charting courses? Or about steering?::
EVE’s eyes narrowed. She wasn’t going to let this weird robot get away with the last word. ::
Earth!:: she said challengingly.
What need is there for charting courses or steering? The Axiom has landed. This
is our home, now!She had touched a sore circuit. BRIDGET spun upon her so quickly that WALL-E instinctively cubed up, and EVE all but deployed her gun –
just in case. Like a primed steel trap, the reconnaissance bot glared at her with something at a time desperate and wild in her eyes. But when she spoke, her voice was once more impassive, if not slightly jaded. ::
I do not envy you:: she said.
And what’s that supposed to m--Just then, out of the Axiom’s doors came Ryan and the other probes, with one last batch of lifepods in tow. They stood for a minute on the threshold, looking in disbelief at the scene before them. On one side, Probe Seven and Probe Five were trying to calm down BRL-A, who continued to flung his canopy open in a rage. On the other, WALL-E’s eyes barely emerged from his cube as EVE and BRIDGET squared off.
What’s going on here?, thought Probe Ten, shaking her head.
Ryan looked at BRIDGET, raising an eyebrow. “A reconnaissance unit” he said, more to herself than to her. “Yes, the Axiom had one, the records said. But I thought she had been dismantled.”
Slowly, BRIDGET’s eyes trailed from EVE to the man. WALL-E did not know what was scarier – if the outburst when EVE had mentioned Earth, or this gelid calm. ::
Dismantled:: she echoed. ::
For what reason?::
That seemed to catch even the roboticist off surprise. “I’ve never seen you, prior to this” he said. “I assumed…”
::
Your assumption was erratic:: BRIDGET cut him off sharply. Then she turned back to glance at the Axiom, as if she had not seen it in a long time and wanted to keep a good memory file of it. ::
Things do not get dismantled just because people do not see them.::
“Well, what was I was supposed to think?”
Her LED eyes flickered with amusement, bitterness and something else that was almost painful to watch. ::
The wrong thing, of course. When have human calculations ever been accurate? You do not have a very good computing power:: she replied. ::
That is why you need
us.::
And before Ryan could answer – before the EVE probes could warble her vehement disagreement, before BRL-A could go for her, and before WALL-E could look at her with unspeakably sad eyes – BRIDGET had folded out her wings and thrust herself in the sky. For a moment she hovered like a spectre against the gloomful, rolling storm clouds.
There was a great CRASH of thunder. A flash of lightning illuminated the docks as if it was morning, and when the light returned to normal, BRIDGET was nowhere to be seen.
Was it really twenty years ago that I last set foot here?, wondered the Captain. His eyes traveled from the elevator to the baluster, to the consoles that had once displayed a wide array of buttons and thinking lights. He indulged fondly on the hoverchair trampled on the ground, as though it was a long lost friend that he had not seen in ages.
Oh hey, there you are!In the dark McCrea could only make out the outline of things, but he was so familiar with the place that it might as well have been lit up. He remembered everything as clearly as if had left the Bridge only yesterday. Odd. How could he remember, and yet feel like he hadn’t been here since an eternity or two?
Only twenty years?, he wanted to ask.
Really?The windows spaced on the storm outside, but McCrea couldn’t bring himself to look out, because in front of the window was the one thing that he was less prepared to see again. He lowered his eyes, fidgeting with the buttons of his jacket. Smirking, he remembered that there had been a time when he couldn’t even button the thing up, while now it was perhaps a bit stretched over his prominent stomach, but buttoned up all the same.
He was buying time, he knew. But the truth was, he couldn’t bring himself to glance at the deactivated steering wheel.
Not yet, he kept telling himself.
Not yet. Although he had come to the Bridge for no other reason than to see Auto, he wasn’t ready to look up
yet.“You’re not getting away from me, one-eye!” he had growled, holding onto the faceplate for dear life while Auto trashed around the bridge, like a wild bull.
::Let go:: the Autopilot sternly said.
He swung, bucked and tried to slam the Captain down against the control panel, but McCrea had unsuspecting strength in his chubby arms.
“Ooof – that’s all you got?” taunted McCrea. His face was so close to the Autopilot’s optic that he could see the resentment in Auto’s stare. It was hard to say who was more disappointed in the other, if the Captain or the steering wheel. But then something else had flickered in Auto’s optic, something so surprising that it had left McCrea astonished, giving his opponent a momentary advantage. If he had not known better, he would have said that Auto was not only resentful, but displeased over having to fight his Captain. For a moment, he thought he had caught a silent apology in the Autopilot’s single red eye. As if Auto had meant to say, I am sorry, Captain. I wish we had not come to this. But you leave me no other choice.
You don’t know how sorry
I am too, Auto,
McCrea had thought quietly. And it was then, while he struggled to overcome the Autopilot, that he had understood why Auto was not going to heed and obey. And why he, McCrea, was going to fight him to the last. Auto had put it best earlier on, in McCrea’s quarters; they were both following their directives.
Ironically, their directives coincided, as they both wanted to keep the Axiom’s passenger safe, but their means did not, as McCrea wanted to let them fly free and Auto wanted to keep them in a gilded cage. True freedom against the gilded cage – it all always came down, it seemed, to the same age-long feud…“Captain, sir?” asked a voice behind him.
Startled, McCrea spun around. “
Cale! Damn it, you nearly gave me an heart attack! Why aren’t you with Ryan and the probes?”
“I hoped to have a word with you, sir” said Cale, and the Captain remembered how he had thought before that the young man wanted to say something, but eventually decided not to.
“You mean I’m going to find out what it is that you’ve been mulling over all the way to the Axiom?” He could guess, more than see, Cale’s astonished expression. He smiled wryly. “Look here, Cale, I won’t be the brightest bulb of New Chicago, but I can see when people are worried by something. C’mon, spit it out. What’s the matter?
For a minute or two, Cale did not answer, as if trying to sort out his thoughts. Awkwardly, he passed a hand through his bowl-cut blonde hair. “You’ll probably think it’s not a business of mine, sir, but I’d be interested to know all the same. What’s your take on the Axiom?”
McCrea blinked. “Unusual question. Do you mean, if I hate it like your aunt does?”
“You don’t.” It was not a question.
“No”, replied the Captain, shaking his head. “No, I don’t hate the Axiom. Cale, I’ve lived those events first hand. I know better than to blame a ship for what we had done to ourselves.”
“Yes!” Cale exclaimed, as if he had said the magic word. “That’s it, exactly. Sometimes I feel – I don’t know, like everyone wants to unburden our responsibilities over what happened, and the Axiom just happens to be the closest scapegoat they can think of. Like they hate it not because it’s done them any harm, but just in order not to hate themselves.” His dark eyes flashed adamantly as he spoke. By the end, he was out of breath. “Do you understand?”
McCrea nodded. “I do. But you’re wrong to think that
everyone feels that way toward the Axiom. Most of them don’t even care about making it a scapegoat, when it’s so much easier to forget that it even exists.”
“Yes, of course” said Cale, scowling. “With them it’s always either disapproval or indifference. Once they set their mind on something, there’s no talking them out of it.”
Why did he think that he wasn’t speaking of the Axiom anymore?“Prejudices have roots that deep. But… Cale, mind if I give you a friendly advice?”
“Sure, go on”, replied the boy with a shrug.
“Don’t be too harsh on your aunt. Karen is…” he looked for the right word, “… a very frightened woman.”
Cale snorted. “That’s not the way I’d put it.”
“She and your uncle really believed in this world” said McCrea. “But after what happened to Ronald, she feels like the world betrayed her. She’s terrified by it, and she fears that she might not resist the call of the gilded cage if she allowed herself – or Russell – to get too close to it. That’s why she feels so strongly against the Axiom, why she hates it so.”
Cale had lowered his head and tucked his hands in his pockets, frowning. He did not even seem to have heard, but suddenly he asked:
“Do you ever think that in emergencies like this storm, it might be a good idea to retreat in the Axiom?”
“It had – crossed my mind, yes.”
The Captain said so almost guiltily, and Cale couldn’t refrain from smiling.
“Ah well, good thing that you didn’t suggest that, then” he chuckled. “Seriously though, why not? I bet that we’d make a better use of the ship today than we did back then, if only…”
“No hoverchairs?” asked McCrea with a smirk.
“That too. I mean, we don’t have to
live in it! Can’t it be
just a starliner, something that we use for travelling?” Cale paced back and forth animatedly. It stuck McCrea how much like Ronald he looked in the moment – as if his cousin had just returned from death to invest him with the same enthusiasm that he had in life. “Just think where it could take us!”
“Cale--” warned McCrea.
“What do we know about space, although we lived there for generations?” insisted Cale. “Next to nothing! We never looked beyond our holoscreens! Now we’ve the chance to see it for real, Captain, to see it all…”
“
Cale!” the Captain firmly repeated. “Don’t count your robots before they are assembled! I said that I see your point, but it’s going to snow in August the day the Axiom takes off again.”
Cale looked positively crestfallen. He opened his mouth to speak, but all the words he thought of saying sounded so stupid and weak that he just shook his head and muttered: “Yeah. Yeah, sure.”
What was I thinking?, he scowled.
The Captain’s right, this is the way things are. No one’s going to see the Axiom as anything but a trap. Maybe I should just give up telling them otherwise, for all it’s worth. “Well… I’d better go, Ryan will be wondering why I’ve not returned yet.” He turned to leave, and his gaze fell on Auto’s steering wheel, standing at the periphery of the bridge. As if stuck by a sudden thought, he asked: “What was the Autopilot like, before… you know…?”
The Bridge was shroud in the darkness, and therefore Cale could not see the Captain’s face stiffen at those words. Slowly, almost reluctantly, he turned his head in the same direction that Cale was looking at.
He did not know what he had expected to feel – if regret, pity or a sense of liberation. But all he felt watching Auto’s motionless shape was boundless sympathy. Sure, he could go back all he wanted to their confrontation of twenty years before – but prior to that, Auto had been more than an assistant, more than a mentor, more than a
friend for McCrea. He was the figure at which McCrea would have turned for aid, if he had been closed in a burning building.
Always, always in control.“I’ve known Auto on-and-off for almost my entire life” he replied at length. “After I became a trainee, he was my only guide. He taught me all I know about leadership.”
“Him?” asked Cale. “Not Captain O’Brien?”
McCrea couldn’t hold back a chuckle. “When all was said and done, the Captains didn’t really do much on the Axiom after the morning announcements. O’Brien was a good man, but he wouldn’t have known where to start training his successor. No, it was Auto who was in charge of the trainees. O’Brien told me once that he had trained him too, and Captain Brace before his time.”
“You and Auto got along well in the old times, didn’t you?”
Pause. “In many ways I guess you could say that he was the father I never had. Sometimes he could be very irritating, of course, but…” he trailed off, and Cale picked up where he had left.
“But you miss him.”
“Yes” replied the Captain, lowering his head. “I miss him. Many a times I’ve wished that he could assist me, when… well, at the beginning it wasn’t easy to get used to the responsibility of leadership. I had to do everything on my own, and for me it was a first. Suddenly there was no more Auto to tell me this is so and so, to correct me before I made a mistake. You know one thing, Cale?”
The young man looked at him quizzically.
“It was in those earlier days,” said McCrea, “that I realized we Captains had always counted too much on Auto. If we hadn’t been so dependent on him, if he hadn’t had to be in
charge of everything, perhaps now we wouldn’t have come to
this.” He waved at the deactivated steering wheel.
“What do you mean, sir?” asked Cale, frowning. “I thought that A113…”
“No, I didn’t speak of that. Auto had his directive to follow and would have stuck to it. But if he had had less power, if he hadn’t been the Axiom’s…
facta factotum, perhaps it wouldn’t have been necessary to deactivate him. Because there was only so much that he could have done.” Even in the pitch darkness, Cale thought he had seen the glimmer of a tear in McCrea’s eyes. “Now I only wish I could apologize to him. His condition, the Axiom’s condition… it’s like my ancestors were responsible for both, and I with them.”
At length, McCrea swallowed. Part of him would have wanted to move over to the steering wheel, pat it, tell something. Part of him knew that it was useless, because Auto was trapped in a nothingness from which he could not see or feel anything. “I suppose… things went as they had to do” he croaked, with a voice that he did not recognize at his own. He observed Auto for a few more seconds and then saluted respectfully. “Auto was a good Autopilot, for the most part.
That’s how I want to remember him.”
“I’m sorry”, whispered Cale, placing a hand on the Captain’s shoulder.
“Yeah.” What was it with his voice? It seemed to have got struck in his throat. He looked away from Auto’s steering wheel, threw a last circular glance to the Bridge, and then turned to leave. “C’mon, Cale. The others have probably finished with those escape pods, and I don’t have anything left to do here. Let’s go home.”